Victim vs Victim Mentality

We all experience times when we feel hurt, wronged, or powerless — and sometimes, we truly are victims of difficult or unjust situations. Acknowledging that is an important part of healing.

But over time, some of us may slip into a pattern known as victim mentality — a mindset where we begin to see ourselves as continually helpless, regardless of the circumstances. This isn’t about exaggerating or faking pain; more often, it’s a protective response to real, unprocessed hurt.

Spotting the Signs

This can be a hard thing to spot — whether it’s us or someone else. A few common signs might include:

• Frequently blaming others for how we feel

• Feeling consistently unlucky or hard done by

• Repeatedly struggling to recognise our personal responsibility in situations

• Focusing more on problems than on possible solutions

• Seeking reassurance but rarely feeling satisfied

This mindset often develops from trauma, unmet emotional needs, or repeated invalidation. At some point, it may have served a useful purpose — helping us cope or stay safe — but over time, it can keep us stuck.

Overcoming victim mentality 

Recognising a victim mentality isn’t about judgement — it’s about noticing when something is no longer helping. A few gentle questions that may help begin the shift:

• What might be behind this reaction — fear, shame, sadness?

• What would it be like to feel powerful in this situation?

• Is there space for a different story to emerge?

With self-compassion and curiosity, it’s possible to move from feeling stuck to feeling more in control of our lives. Contact me to find out more.

Feelings of powerlessness can keep us trapped