New Habits: Making Space for Change
Some habits feel cosy – like a familiar old chair. They’re warm, well-worn, and safe. But stick with them too long, and you might find yourself stuck.
Comfort doesn’t always equal happiness or fulfilment. Often, it just means “familiar.” And while familiar can feel reassuring, it can also keep us from growing, connecting, or trying something new.
Why Change Feels So Hard
Growth requires change – and change always involves risk. Whether it’s trying something new, challenging old thoughts, or approaching situations differently, change often feels uncomfortable, awkward, or even ‘wrong’ at first. That’s completely normal.
As adults, we sometimes believe that our ways are fixed. We might say things like, “I’m just not a social person,” or “That’s just how I am.” But here’s the good news: our brains are constantly adapting. Neuroscience tells us that we can form new patterns, behaviours, and thoughts throughout our lives.
Understanding Habits
We all have habits – from how we start our mornings, to the way we speak to ourselves, and how we relate to others. Some habits help us feel grounded and healthy. Others might be holding us back.
For example, maybe it’s become a habit to say: “I don’t like parties.” Over time, that belief becomes part of your story – something you don’t even question. But what if that habit is depriving you of opportunities to connect, grow, or enjoy yourself?
Habits like these can keep us in a familiar place—safe from discomfort, but also from new experiences. That’s how habits and what we often call a “comfort zone” can overlap. The more we repeat the same behaviours, the more natural they feel—even if they no longer serve us.
Creating New Stories
The great thing is, habits can change – and so can the stories we tell ourselves.
It starts with experimenting. You might choose just one small habit that feels outdated, and begin to gently challenge it. This doesn’t mean pretending to be someone you’re not, but allowing room for the possibility of something different.
Like any new skill, forming a new habit takes time and practice. The old way might feel ‘natural,’ while the new way feels clunky or even uncomfortable. But, like building strength at the gym, the more you practise, the easier it becomes. You’re creating new connections in the brain every time you try something new.
A Real-Life Example
Let’s say you often feel anxious about going to social events. Your inner dialogue might go something like this:
“I’ll feel awkward. I won’t know what to say. People will see that I’m boring.”
So, you decide not to go. You stay at home – doing what you usually do.
But is that really what you want? Or just what feels familiar?
Now imagine taking a different approach. You decide to go to the event, and tell yourself:
“I’m just as interesting as anyone else here. People might actually be pleased to see me.”
You don’t have to fully believe it yet – but even holding that more positive mindset helps. When we arrive with a little optimism, we’re more open and approachable. This makes connection easier.
You could even shift your focus: instead of worrying about how you’re coming across, try being genuinely curious about others. Ask questions, listen in. You never know who you might meet or what you might discover.
Being interested in others also helps take the spotlight off your own discomfort – and that in itself can be a relief.
Look After Yourself Through the Process
Changing a habit – big or small – takes effort. It might feel difficult. That’s OK. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. If something doesn’t work the way you hoped, you can always try a different approach.
Every time you practise something new, you’re creating change. And over time, those small changes become your new story.
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