Go Your Own Way: The Necessity of Forging Your Own Life Journey
Each of us must live our own life.
No one can live it for us.
And it has to be our own - not someone else’s version.
We live alongside others: in families, friendships, workplaces and communities. From an early age, we are surrounded by messages about what we should be aiming for - financial security, success, the right relationship, the next step, the next achievement. Often these messages come with an implied timeline:
By now I should have…
At this stage I should be…
When our lives don’t look like the ones we see in adverts, films or on social media, it’s easy to begin believing that something is wrong. That we are somehow doing life incorrectly — or even that we are wrong.
Over time, this can undermine our self-worth. A persistent sense of not measuring up, of being behind or out of step, can be confusing, discouraging and deeply painful.
Noticing the messages for what they are
It can be helpful to pause and recognise that these messages are not rules or truths — they are ideas about what a life might look like. They are not the “right” way to live.
Sometimes they are little more than persuasion: attempts to encourage us to buy, achieve or aspire to a particular image of success. The truth is, no one else can tell you what will make your life meaningful or fulfilling. Only you can discover that for yourself.
Comparison really is the thief of joy. When we allow other people’s rules - the “shoulds” - to dictate our choices, we hand over our time, energy and sense of agency. Going your own way means reclaiming those things.
Getting to know yourself
So how do you begin?
It starts with getting to know yourself more deeply. This means reflecting on your values and asking what genuinely matters to you, rather than what is expected.
You might ask yourself:
What feels important and meaningful to me?
What do I enjoy, and what drains me?
What am I naturally drawn towards or good at?
What injustices or issues stir something in me?
When do I feel most absorbed or “in flow”?
Looking back at earlier interests or moments when you felt more alive or engaged can also be helpful. This isn’t about returning to the past, but about noticing patterns and themes that may still matter to you now.
Meaning is rarely found in a single moment of clarity. More often, it is created gradually through engagement - in work, relationships, creativity, learning and growth. Purpose is not a fixed destination, but something that evolves as we do.
Learning from others without losing yourself
Of course, we are influenced by other people. We may feel inspired by them, or sometimes envious — and that’s entirely human. These feelings can offer useful information, pointing towards what we may desire or value.
The key is to make it personal. Rather than asking “Why don’t I have what they have?”, it can be more helpful to ask, “What does this tell me about what matters to me — and how might that look in my own life?”
Sometimes it’s easier to begin by identifying what doesn’t feel right. Noticing the values or behaviours that feel out of line for you can bring clarity.
You might find it helpful to write these down and then consider the flip side. For example, you may know that constantly changing jobs, as a friend does, would feel unsettling rather than exciting. While your friend may value novelty and change, you may value consistency, depth or stability. Neither is better — they are simply different.
Why this can feel difficult
One reason this process can feel hard is because the external messages are persistent. They tell us what we should be doing, and when.
At times, it can feel easier to follow the crowd. And to be clear, there is nothing wrong with doing what others do, even what many people do. What matters is whether your choices feel aligned with who you are.
Another challenge is responsibility. When we begin to take control of our own lives, we can no longer place responsibility elsewhere. We have to take responsibility for our choices and their impact, which can feel daunting — particularly when uncertainty or self-doubt is present.
Why it’s still worth it
Living authentically does not mean life will be easy. It may involve discomfort, uncertainty, or periods of walking your own path while others walk different ones.
But only by embracing your own way does life begin to feel truly meaningful.
Following your own path often leads to a deeper sense of fulfilment and contentment, not because life becomes perfect, but because it becomes more honest. It allows you to live in closer alignment with your values and desires, rather than constantly measuring yourself against someone else’s life.
Your struggles and joys are uniquely yours. No one else can live the life you are living — and that is exactly why your way matters.
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