Finding the Right Counsellor for You: Questions to Ask Before Starting Therapy
Finding a counsellor can feel like a big step. For many people, it has already been a long process of noticing that things feel difficult, thinking about asking for help, and eventually reaching the point of looking for support. That in itself is significant.
Unfortunately, it can get a little confusing at this stage. There are lots of different words used -counsellor, therapist, psychotherapist - and lots of different approaches too, such as person-centred, CBT, ACT, solution-focused and integrative therapy.
For someone looking for support, it can be difficult to know where to start.
The good news is that you don’t need to understand every different type of counselling or every therapy-related acronym before you begin. Instead, you can start with something much more important, and much simpler: finding someone you feel you could work with.
Finding the right fit
The relationship between you and your counsellor is an important part of the counselling process. Research has shown that the quality of this relationship is one of the key factors linked to positive outcomes in therapy.
This means that, although qualifications and therapeutic approach can be important, finding someone you feel comfortable with, someone you feel listens to you, and someone you can imagine opening up to over time is crucial too.
Sometimes you will know quite quickly that someone feels like the right fit. Other times, you may want a little time to think about it - and that is completely understandable.
Many counsellors offer an informal chat before you book a session. You might find it helpful to look around some counselling websites or directories and perhaps speak to two or three counsellors.
This isn’t about finding the “perfect” counsellor. It’s about finding someone whose way of working feels right for you.
It is also perfectly reasonable to say, “I’m going to need a little time to think about this.” A counsellor should understand and respect that.
Thinking about what you might need
It can be helpful to think about your own preferences when looking for a counsellor.
Counselling is a collaborative process, and having a sense of what you might find supportive can be useful. Some people prefer a counsellor who takes more of a lead, offering questions, reflections or structure. Others prefer more space to bring what feels important to them.
You might prefer warmth and reassurance, or a counsellor who gently challenges you. You might want to focus on what is happening now, or explore how past experiences may have shaped you.
You don’t have to choose between these things. You may want a combination of approaches, and your preferences may change over time.
Sometimes your preferences may be more practical. For example, you might find it helpful to take breaks, have things explained or repeated, have reminders to help you stay focused, or bring a notebook to write things down during sessions.
This may be particularly important for some neurodivergent clients, but individual needs and preferences are different for everyone. Not every counsellor will work in exactly the same way, but asking questions and starting a conversation about what might help can be a valuable part of the process.
You don’t need to have all of this figured out before you begin. Sometimes these things become clearer as you get to know your counsellor and the process. A receptive counsellor will be open to exploring what works best for you.
Questions you might want to ask a counsellor
Choosing a counsellor is a personal decision, and you are welcome to ask questions before you begin.
How do you work?
There are many different counselling approaches, and it can be confusing to know what they all mean. The good news is that you don’t need to understand every approach before starting.
You can simply ask how a counsellor works with clients and what sessions usually look like.
Are you qualified and professionally registered?
Many counsellors include their qualifications and professional memberships on their website or directory profile. If this information isn’t available, it is completely reasonable to ask.
Professional bodies such as NCPS and BACP have ethical standards that members agree to work within.
Do you have experience supporting people with what I’m bringing?
Feel free to ask about a counsellor’s experience or training. Many counsellors work with a wide range of people and issues, but asking the question may help you feel more comfortable about your choice.
How do sessions work practically?
The practical side matters too. You might want to think about:
Are sessions online, in person, or both?
Where are sessions held?
Is the building accessible if you need this?
Can you get there easily?
How long are sessions?
What is the cost?
What happens if you need to cancel or rearrange?
How flexible is the counsellor if life circumstances affect appointments?
Counselling needs to fit into your life, not add another layer of difficulty.
You are allowed to ask for what you need
The process of finding a counsellor is the beginning of the counselling relationship. You can ask questions, share your preferences and take your time deciding.
You may not know exactly what you need when you start - and that is very common. Sometimes the first step is simply finding someone you feel comfortable having that conversation with.
Once you have found a counsellor who feels like a good fit, the next step is usually your first counselling session. I’ll explore what to expect from that first session in my next blog.
Further information
Finding a registered counsellor
Professional bodies such as the NCPS and BACP provide directories of registered practitioners, which can be a useful place to start.
Your Preferences
Talking Preferences is a resource exploring client preferences in counselling and psychotherapy. It can be helpful if you are curious about your own preferences or unsure where to start.